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Fostering a child can be incredibly rewarding, and both you and your foster child can create bonds that will last a lifetime. The first few days are always the most challenging, but with the right amount of preparation, they will be successful. Here are a few top tips to help.

Do Some Research

You are not the first person, or the last, to consider fostering a child or to enter the fostering process. There is a wealth of information out there that can help you get ready to accept a foster child into your home. This guide on how to become a foster parent will help you navigate the first steps to fostering a child, from making your initial enquiry to welcoming your first foster child into your home. Once you have begun the process, there are still some things you can do to prepare yourself, your family, and your home for a foster child.

Stock Up on Food

The road to anyone’s heart is through their stomach, and children are no different. Your foster child may be a little quiet and justifiably intimidated at first, but it is only a matter of time before they are hungry. Have options ready for them. Work with your fostering agency to find out the child’s likes and dislikes and make sure you are aware of any special dietary requirements they have. Feeding a child a good meal is a great way to get them to settle, relax a little, and open up to you.

Get a Bedroom Ready

Joining a new family is an understandably intimidating process for a foster child. It can be emotionally overwhelming. When they arrive at your home you should have a bed and preferably their bedroom ready for them. This establishes that they have their own space that they can retreat to if they need to. This gives them a feeling of safety and they know they have a place where they can assess their situation and work through their thoughts at their own pace.

Be Ready Before the Call

Fostering can happen quickly. It is not uncommon within fostering to get a call to be ready to accept a new child just hours or a day or two before their arrival. Be ready ahead of time. Get everything ready and waiting, including food, linen, toiletries, and so on, so that you can welcome a new foster child into your home at the drop of a hat. This will help things go more smoothly when the day comes.

Prepare a ‘Family Book’

Foster children often suffer from information overload when they first arrive in a home and join a family. There can be a lot for them to take in. Preparing a scrapbook of information about all their new family members, including extended family, gives them a resource they can turn to when they want to refresh their memory and find out more on their own time. Foster children often appreciate a family book and will study it to better understand their place in their new family and learn who is who.

Becoming a foster parent is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a child. Though it comes with challenges, the rewards make it worth it for both parents and the child.

Kids of any age can be reluctant to share their feelings and innermost thoughts. While some kids are afraid of being reprimanded for what they are thinking or feeling, others are simply embarrassed. It may not be anything that you have done or said but rather how they perceived your reaction in the past. For this reason, it is important to think about how you say something because we often have the best of intentions, but it just seems to come out wrong.

It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It

Maybe it’s the inflection in our voices or the look on our faces when kids say something they think we are unhappy with. It could even be our body language that can be misconstrued. Do you remember your mother telling you for most of your life that it’s not always what you say but rather how you say it? That may be why kids can easily get the wrong idea and are forever afterward reluctant to speak their mind. When you respond verbally, be careful of your words but equally as careful of the inflection in your voice. Remember, it’s really not what you say but how you say it sometimes.

Show Them You Will Love Them No Matter What

This is something we call “unconditional love” but it’s something kids have not learned just yet. It’s important to go beyond telling them that we will love them no matter what. We need to show them this is the case. If we can find a safe and quiet place to talk to our kids, it is vital that no matter what they say, you don’t react with anything other than a loving, accepting statement. If you see that they are embarrassed by what they are saying, you might even want to give them a quick hug and tell them you understand what they are feeling.

This is something the case managers at foster agencies like fosterplus.co.uk explain to all new foster parents. These kids may never have had the benefit of loving parents who accepted them for who they are. Bear in mind that their parents were facing issues of their own and often it was difficult to express the love that kids really need.

Create a Neutral Zone

If you still have difficulty getting kids to open up to you and you can tell that something is really bothering them, then perhaps you could set up a neutral zone where they can “deposit” their worries without speaking a word. Some families put up a “worry box” for kids to deposit a card that they’ve written out about what is troubling them. Although you will be the one reading it, never take it out with the kids anywhere in view. Wait until later in the night when they are sleeping or the next day after they go to school.

In fact, you don’t even need to verbally address the issue because you can always write a response or suggestion on that very same card. Just tuck it back in the box and wait for them to read it. This way, they cannot misinterpret your body language because they will neither see nor hear you when you respond.

Show Them You Understand

Any time you give an understanding response that is not judgmental, you will be showing the kids that they are safe coming to you with any concern they may have. That’s what you are here for and if they need help or advice, or even just understanding, you will be here. That’s what every child needs.